False Dawn

I wake to the sound of birds cheerfully announcing the day.

The light peeking through the window, promising a day of unrivaled beauty;

Beckoning me to indulge in the gloriousness of the day to come.

The sky a winter shade of pale blue; the air crisp, but not cold.

A tiny hint of green still hidden from all but the most observant,

And a Sun that warms everything it can touch.

Spring isn't hear yet, but she sent a calling card to say she is on the way.

I arise with excitement and energy infused by the promise of adventure,

Then hit a wall of reality, hard; made from numbing grief and unbearable reality.

There is nowhere new to go.

There is no money available to return to the places that once brought joy.

And there is no point in going with no one around to share the journey.

In a blink, the world that began with so much hope

Becomes a two edged blade that slices deep with it's now false promises;

And I pull the covers back over my head,

Drifting into comforting memories and dreams of unlikely futures,

And the world once again fades to black.

Rebecca   2-3-24

 

Crush Depth

The crushing weight of grief and hurt

almost steal my breath

with it's biting pain of rejection and loss.

A one-two punch that leaves my heart bleeding

with hopelessness a choking darkenss

both smothering and a beguiling promise

of ending the pain.

But God says I must keep going,

even as I choke on the blood

pouring out from my savaged wounded heart.

What worth can I possibly have

to the God of Heaven,

when I have no worth to any one here.

Apologies for leading you in this sad descent;

and I am sorry that I have darkened the day,

but the tears are literally tearing themselves

out of my eyes against my will,

as total darkness falls

and the inner screams begin.

(c) R. Franklin

 

The Beckoning

I wake to the sound of birds

and a light peeking through the curtains.

Both sound and sight beckoning me to indulge

in the gloriousness of the the day to come.

The sky a winter shade of blue;

the air crisp, but not yet cold;

a tiny hit of green still hidden

from all but the most observant;

and a Sun that offers to warm

everything it can touch.

I rise with excitement and energy

infused from the joyful birds and beautiful light,

then hit the wall;

made of mud and grief and unbearable reality.

There is nowhere new to explore,

and even if there were, there's no money to get there.

Worst of all, what would be the point,

when there is no one to share the adventure.

In a blink, the world that held such promise

becomes a 2 sided blade

that slices with it's false promise.

So, I pull the covers back over my head

drift into comforting memories and future illusions

and the world once again fades to black.

(c) R. Franklin

 

Echoes

 

The problem is not that I hate my life.

My life on Earth is not so bad.

I have a home and a reliable car.

I have food to eat and never go hungry.

I have a dependable job that is better than many.

I make enough money to pay all of my bills.

I am saved by Grace and Mercy of the living God and

          He claims me as His own.

I am the bride of Christ who loved me so much he

          took my death to save me.

I can see and hear; I can feel and touch; I can taste

          and smell the world around me.

I am able to move and walk and climb without assistance.

I can read and write and do math and science.

I can hug and be hugged and I can speak and sing.

I can be serious and I can be silly.

I can be passionate or turn cold.

I can ride a horse or a motorcycle, even if not as well

          as in my dreams.

I can think and hope.

I can rhyme as the mood strikes.

I can feel all the ups and downs of the roller-coaster world we live in.

But;

 

There is something inside me that rages and sobs for the things

          I don’t have.

Something much deeper than conscious thought, beyond the

          open places in my mind.

Something that does not want to wake in the morning.

It knows what I have, but despairs for what I have not.

Something that lives in the deepest place in my soul and it’s

          whimpers heard loudest in the night when the world is still,

          but not confined only to the darkest hours.

Something that feels broken and worthless;

Cast away rubbish that no one wants.

It cries out in the darkness with tears and pleading; sometimes

          just begging, but always a prayer.

Still trudging forward, it’s lost echoes unanswered, the last

          hope now faded through the long empty night.

 

12/07/23

RaF

Fade to Gray

Brilliant colors start to fade
Sharp clear sounds grow dim
What once was clear begins to blur
What once brought joy, now grim.

The world was never what you thought
No hearts were ever true
The cutting pain of opened eyes
Now dulled to empty blue.

What once was hope in future joy
Like faith, has gone away
No more dark and lonely thoughts
Just endless shades of gray.

There's nothing left but empty dreams
No anger, joy, or pain,
Just an endless dreary sea of gray
A life lost in the rain.

Like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern

Like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern


All of our lives, from the the cradle to the grave

we are taught that we're the heroes;

of our story as it unfolds.



We are taught that our lives are determined by our choices,

if we are true to ourselves,

then the our story will unfold like in all the old tales.



But that is a lie we create in the dark

to give ourselves hope

and focus of purpose.



We are not the heroes battling for Justice

we are not even the main characters

of this cosmic play.



Like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern

believing we have purpose as we drift through the story

only minor characters waiting in the wings.



Never realizing the depths of our own unimportance

until we're disposed of, unseen and off stage.

Merely a footnote at the end of the play.



Rebecca

Choices

I come into your presence here
With shattered heart and soul
At the end of all I am
Longing to be whole.

All the wisdom of this world
Leads to an empty grave
You alone my only hope
You alone can save.

So Father, now I come to You
Forgive my doubts and fears
Forgive the sins I’ve held so long
Forgive my wayward years.

Save me from the emptiness
Lift me from this strife
Fill me with your presence
Holy Spirit, Take my life.

Breathe your breath of life in me
Make me something new,
Change my heart and fill me with
Desire for only You.

God of Glory, Hope, and Joy
Mercy , Peace, and Love
Take my life and make it Yours
Fill me from above.

Rebecca Franklin07/27/10

Heartbeat

In a single heartbeat the truth is reveled.
The bonds of love and friendship fall
Like luminance raindrops of shimmering glass
With soundless explosions they shatter on the ground
Filling the air with the buzz of countless shards
Shooting into their target of soft tissue and bone
Not strong enough to kill, but leaving no place untouched
When the last tear falls there is only the darkness
That eats at the broken and bleeding soul
With punctured lungs and still beating heart.

Greater Love

I did not know you heard me
When I cried out in the night,
I did not know you answered
For I couldn’t see the light;

I did not know you held me
When my friends all let me down,
I did not know you guarded
Where there was evil all around;

I did not know you guided
Through the darkness and the pain,
I did not know you cared,
That my tears were not in vane;

I did not know your angels
Brought me safely through the blaze,
I did not know I’d find you
At the center of the maze;

I did not know through all the years
You never left my side,
I did not know, but I know now
The reason that you died!

Lost in the Swamp

I rocked the boat
I caused the crash
I am responsible
For the shattered remains.

I knew the risk
But in seeking my hope
I lost something more precious
Than the jewel that I sought.

Only now in the darkness
Do I see the true loss
Of a treasure more valuable
Than delusion or dream.

Dear God up in heaven
Please bind up the broken
Repair what was damaged
Restore what was lost.

I followed my own path
Chasing will-o-wisp promises,
And now find myself
All alone in the night.

The blame is all mine,
Still I beg for Your Mercy
And pray for Your Grace
To heal and restore.

I repent the self-seeking
And ask for forgiveness,
For You are my only hope
Of receiving true love.

03/17/09

Love is patient, Love is kind, It does not envy, it does not boast, It is not proud, It is not rude, It is not self-seeking, It is not easily angered, It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. Corinthians 13 : 4 - 8

Game Over

Empty.
Everything is empty.
The past is a blood-splattered path
Of broken hopes and empty dreams.
The present a spinning maelstrom
Of loss and loneliness
And the future stretches ahead
More empty than all that has come before.
Hopeless.
Empty.
Dead.

Close the Circle

Empty echoes where once a heart
Was filled with soundings of well-loved voices.
How many times have I come this way?
The count so high the pattern now set.
An endless circle of love and loss
Peers and schoolmates lost into time
Beloved companions that rode off in the night
And now kindred spirits that fade in the wind
Leaving me behind as they forge their own lives.
Nothing traumatic, no hurricane or disasters,
Just voices going silent in the expansion of time
Taking with them their pieces of my much broken heart
Until only the scattered fragments remain.
All that is left are the pieces unwanted
I gather them close as I bathe them with tears.
And promise them all that no more will I offer
As I crawl within my soul and shut the door.
And the circle closes one last time.

Rebecca
03/07/09

The Gauntlet

The journey of life is never easy
Each new road a vision of light
But as the path stretched out ahead
Darkness came and brought the night.

At first the path was clear and open
The only obstacle where earth and sky meet;
Then without warning, the curtains fell
And revealed the cramped and narrow street.

Walls of bars on either side
Not unlike a dungeon find
The way behind completely blocked
And dark and mist arise to blind.

The attack begins with little jabs
An idle ouch and rub the spot
But as I tried to take each step
A desperate battle became my lot.

Spears with poisoned razor tips
That slash and stab with lighting’s strike
Leaving shallow bleeding wounds
More to prolong than kill outright.

My mind in fragments lost at sea
My body weak from mortal blight
My heart curled in a fetal ball
My eyes grow dim with fading sight.

With determined hope and shallow breath
To broken and bloody for else to do
I simply breathe out, “Father God,”
“No matter what, I’m trusting you.”

Becki Franklin
02/25/09

The Leap

Jesus, how can I express
This love within my heart;
A grateful, overwhelming flood
That pierces like a dart.

Your Grace a gift I have not earned
Your Mercy, I've no right,
And yet You sacrificed Your life
To Bring me to the light.

I do not love because I'm good,
But because You showed me how.
You gave Your life upon the cross
To save me then and now.

How great a love, a King should die
To set His people free.
You took our sins upon Yourself
And paid death's final fee.

Breath of God who lives within
And shows my soul the way,
Lead me to the heart of God
And help me to obey.

Oh Father God, who reigns above
And sent Your son to die;
Make me a servant of Your hands
So I will lift You high.

With joy I raise up holy hands
To call you Sovereign Lord.
For when I took my leap of faith
I did not fall, but soared.

Rebecca
03/09/08

Psalm for a Broken Heart

When dreams dissolve and hope disappears,
When there is only lonely echoes of a reality that isn't,
When you finally hit the bottom of an endless tumbling fall,
When all the possibilities sink into the dark and heavy night,
When my heart is full of tears and my vision loses sight,
Then, as I lie here in the muck of my life,
Broken and torn with my heart's blood pouring out
Leaving me weak and dieing...

I shall lift my eyes to the only one
Who can bring me comfort and share my tears.

I am lost, but not alone.
I am sad, but not without hope.
I am broken, but not to death.
I am bleeding, but never empty.

For my God is Mighty and He reigns forever.
Not only in Heaven, but in every mundane day of life on earth.
Jehovah is my Father and His power is absolute.
He is in control and He never leaves my side.
Even when I can not feel Him He is here.

He is with me in my loneliness, and in my pain,
In my loss, and in my brokenness,
And standing with me as I face the darkness.
He pours out His light into the empty places of my soul
Until His Spirit fills me up and overflows.
Then, the empty broken pieces no longer have control.
For earthly loneliness doesn't matter in the presence of His LOVE!

Rebecca Spring 2008

Caution - graphic and disturbing poetry

And for those who ask, No, this is not about a cat or dog.

Broken

Aggressive in it's joy
The dog flings and bites
The small screaming kitten
Until something else
Becomes more interesting.
Abandoned in the dirt
It breathes shallow breaths
As blood seeps into the ground around it.
No more sounds
From the rag-doll broken body
Not even the energy left
To try and escape.
The light slowly dims
From helpless staring eyes
And with a silent farewell
Its soul leaves its shattered heart behind.

Rebecca

I know I posted this a while back, but I thought it deserved a fresh look.

Listening for the Rain

Trusting God is scary
When your path leads through quicksand.
Holding on to faith is hard
When the fires are being fanned.

It’s tough to face the fury
Of a storm that rages round,
When the Father’s voice is silent
And there’s no land to be found.

When hope has no more meaning
In a world weighed down with fear,
And you find you’re in the darkness
Doubt and sadness all you hear.

Only when the fire is hottest
And the blade made almost nil,
Is it ready to be molded
By the Master of the steel.

Like clay becomes a vessel,
Not by moving left or right,
But by spinning on a stone
Yielding to a potter’s sight.

So when the way ahead is shrouded
And there’s silence from the throne,
Understand that God is working
And that seeds are being sown.

So hold on to faith and courage
And do not bow your head to doubt,
For our Father has it all
And His rain will follow drought.

Rebecca

Journey Home

What do you do
When you're a long way from home,
Though living the adventure
Of a soul born to roam?

What keeps you going
When dreams turn to smoke?
Where you are dosen't matter
When your heart starts to choke.

When adventure seems empty
And loniliness desends,
When you find you're surrounded
By strangers, not friends?

But back from the journey
The familiar's still wrong,
As empty as you left it
And your heart turns to stone.

Becki
1/23/09

Slow Burn

No explosion of passion to mark its birthing.
No frenzy and flash as it consumes all in its path.
No desperate clinging as it resists the finale.
No wild prairie wind to make it race against the sky.
No dry brittle grass to feed its flame and intensity.
No suffocating smoke turning everything to ash.

This fire that was started by an unintended spark
Was deliberately banked and covered to put out,
But continued to smolder deep down in the heart
Until one day a whisper rose up from the ash
And steadily grew to a simple campfire.
No flash, no greed, no desire to consume,
Only a simple warming camp light,
Destructive element tamed now by love.
Learning to accept its life as it burns
Here only to give, and then to go out.

01/09/09

Crossroads

Funny how I thought I knew
What love and pain were all about?
I swore that no matter what
I would not pass this way again.
To guard my heart was my intent
To keep it safe within myself
But somehow in the unplanned night
I lost it without meaning to
Only to find it shattered in pieces
Dropped by hands that never meant to harm
Three times in my life
I have written this poem
First in college, then the Upper Room,
But I never dreamed that it all could end
When trying so hard to do what was right?
It is for the best, I know that’s true
I am not what he needs to fill his life
And he would be so sad to know
That he was the reason for this pain.
So I will do my best to hold my tongue
And never tell him how I feel,
But how do I find the strength to face tomorrow
Or the day after that
When the last of my hope
Walked out the door and never looked back?
Selfish I know to think of myself,
But facing the shadows in the endless night
Without any light to give me hope
I find not the strength to rise above
Drowning in an ocean of loss and alone in the dark.
I only have one thing left to hold
My faith that God will end this pain
And will somehow bring back the light.
For time, despite the words old wives would bring,
Does not heal wounds that go this deep
And only God can bring me peace.

01/01/09